OMFG (the continuation)

final stretch of hell week + girlfriend in need = 2 hours of sleep + rushing to William Hall sans blowdrying

Rewind to about two weeks and a half ago...
*over YM

IB: How to deal with Franco... (the apathetic guy I relentlessly "tormented" in highschool)
W: What about Franco???
IB: I'm really confused... why now? I mean he's been dead in my little black book for centuries!
W: I think you confuse guys more than they confuse you! Hahahahaha!
IB: Me? I've always been very direct W. It's just effing annoying when these guys refuse to spit out a clear, direct, and simple "yes" or "no". It saves so much time. 
W: Uh oh! I've heard that line from you before...
IB: What line???
W: The this-is-the-beginning-of-a-new-challenge-for-me-to-conquer line!
IB: Well, now that you've mentioned it...
W: Sh*t.
IB: Fudge. Why am I programmed this way??? Venus knows how hung up I am on ATF! Try reading blogs W, and you'll discover that there are lots of men out there who get their kicks out of messing with women's heads!
W: Chill. Forget ATF. Wait are you still with Charming?
IB: Next question please.
W: OMG! Charming + ATF and now + Franco! You are a goddess indeed! LOL!
IB: It isn't funny. It's driving me crazy! Don't ever ever do what I'm doing!
W: I won't. It's just wifey (not W's actual wife, but her gf of 2 years) for the rest of my life... Just delete all the guys in your phonebook! I mean it's the only solution!
IB: Of course it isn't! I could just stop you know.
W: SO WHY DON'T YOU?
IB: I will W, I will.
W: WHEN?
IB: When I get what I want.
W: Sh*t. You and your intellectual challenges. You should marry an encyclopedia. I could hook you up with ours... theyre in the library somewhere...

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Last night (or morning... I think it was around 2am)
*over the phone

W: Do not kill me.
IB: Why would I want to do that? We're family!
W: I need your advice.
IB: Fire away niece...
W: Our class went out of town the other night. Wifey couldn't make it.
IB: Ok, perhaps she has a valid reason so...
W: It's not that! You know how I am... you know I love to flirt.
IB: But of course, we're family remember hahaha!
W: Hahaha! I flirt with EVERYONE. Regardless of gender! Sometimes I would even squeeze K's (W's gay friend) ass!
IB: That's... nice? Ok. Who is the new girl?
W: Hahaha!
IB: Spit it out! Who is she? Is this thing like official?
W: No. Not official. Let's call her Fergie. She's a close friend. I would annoy her and flirt with her and she would always be "No!"..."Eeew W!" But wifey was away, and I got drunk and...
IB: Fudge. Alcohol never fails to screw things up!
W: I know! So I had to take a shower, cause Fergie didnt like the reek of alcohol. 
IB: Huh? I don't get it.
W: I promised her I'd sleep beside her that night!
IB: YOU SL*T!
W: Hahaha! I know - we're family remember? It was harmless at first... you know I love doing this! So anyway, I got into the bed and her back was facing me... I started messing her hair... then after awhile she reached out and held my hand...
IB: Oh how sweet!
W: And I don't know what happened but... when she held my hand... my heart started beating fast!
IB: DUH! It's the moment W.
W: But nothing happened.
IB: *facepalm* Oh-kay! So if nothing happened... what do you need my advice for?
W: I want her.
IB: Oh. Oh. OH!!!
W: Hahaha!!!
IB: Want her as in want her? Or want her as in like her?
W: I don't know!
IB: And wifey?
W: I don't know... Sh*t! I want them both! This sucks! We got to talk about it, and we both know it's wrong. And we both agreed to do what we have to do. But... it's still open you know... I mean... I am trying hard to be a good person, but the want for Fergie is already there! It's killing me! That's why I can't tell her to stop - cause I want it too.
IB: Fudge. Think W. Is she worth losing wifey for? This may just be a phase... only you know the answer.
W: I do. But what should I do about it?
IB: As your friend, you know what my answer is. But if you really want this - then make things clear. If you just want her, tell her. Straight out. Don't mess with her emotions. Don't give her false hopes. If she's up for it then you'll just have to face the consequences afterwards. If she isn't, as in  she wants more - as in a relationship, and you know you can't give her that then stop. End it. End it CLEARLY. TELL HER "FERGIE, LET'S STOP THIS CAUSE THIS IS NOT RIGHT." Make everything clean and clear!
W: Wow. I smell bitterness.
IB: Haha. Funny.
W: Don't kill me. But she already told me what she wants - we talked about it yesterday. And even if she didnt admit it I already knew... from the moment we held hands...
IB: And???
W: She likes me. No. She more than likes me. She has feelings for me. Deeeeep feelings.
IB: OK! Time's up! Exit is this way please...
W: Wait! On a lighter note, aren't you proud of how good a flirt I am?
IB: *eyeroll* of course. We're faaameeelee!
W: What can I say, I learned from the best. Hahaha! Oh how's ATF?
IB: Flushed him down. W, I think... I'm beginning to like Franco...
W: Nah, I think you already do.
IB: Fine!!! I like him ok!!! But we're talking about you! So what did you tell Fergie after that?
W: That I like her too. I really do. 
IB: OMFG
       No!
       No!
       No!
W: We are in deep sh*t!
IB: We are indeed.