Friday, December 5, 2008

The Best of the Worst Dates (and hopefully the last)

05/12/08 03:46PM

Thus said the text message of Z, this guy I used to go out with whenever I was extremely bored and in need of a quick ego fix. Such a profound, sincere, and engaging message after half a year of absence from the face of my pink and perky world. My eyes brimmed with tears, and I stiffled a big yawn. I switched my brain to its Norton Anti-Virus mode and did a quick scan.

Three threats were found.

Mr. Obviously Aint Over 

When: 3 years ago
Where: by the Manila Bay
Duration: 3 hours
Role I assumed: Dr. Phil

Oh yeah. Could never forget this one. By the end of the date I knew everything about the ex - dress size, favorites, virtues, vices (he caught an STD from her so gee thanks, it was very thoughtful of him to inform me) and all that jazz. I felt for him though, so I gave him my sincerest thoughts and opinions the way I would with my closest friends. At one point Mr. OAO started crying, complete with matching hands-over-face pose. I quickly downed my third Margarita then. 

Mr. Houdini (extremely ODD, but rich and good looking)
When: 2 years ago
Where: some ice cream parlor
Duration: 2 hours
Role I assumed: date from hell

Ok, I went on this one as per my room mate's insistence -
"It's free food. Just do your thing and charm him. The mall is about to close anyway." Great. Houdini was some sort of directionless chap, so I had to cross to the other side of the road. Oh it was raining hard that night too. His welcome words as I entered his car, "Wow, you'd definitely win any wet t-shirt contest." His comeuppance: I spent the entire night raving about this huge crush I've got on one of my girls' guys. On and on and on and on I went 'til he drove me back home. Good thing I immediately dashed out of the car as he was about to lean over for a kiss. 

Mr. Sales Pitch of the Year
When: memory gap hits
Where: grill restaurant
Duration: memory gap hits again
Role I assumed: audience, he took care of everything

Aside from all the smoke, my eyes dried out from the thrill of our conversation. After doing a background check on me, he began a tirade on all the women he dated who came from my highschool. Models, celebrities, chefs... I was already in deep conversation with my grilled pork chop. He really had a great time though, considering he promptly followed-up within the procedural three-day timeframe, and asked me out again - twice. 

Recommended action ---> fix

Processing 3 threats....

There are no more security risks to be resolved.

4 mouth offs:

So@24 said...

Started crying? And revealed an STD on Date 1?


Jesus. What are these people thinking sometimes?

!llegally blonde said...

He was still in his breakdown phase. I could've charged him, but that would've been too harsh.

石原テイ said...

the last one sounds like misis. si mister naman siguro ito. haha PJM.

!llegally blonde said...

As in? Ganun siyang date? Naku huwag naman sana!